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April 24th, 2005

08:54 pm: only 2 more weeks until summer... thank goodness... i dont think ive ever been this excited about summer...

last year it was different because i didnt wanna leave mac... but now i just wanna get away from here so i dont have to be constantly reminded that we arent together... and the further i am away from him, i think the easier it will be for me to get over him... because being here, only a few minutes away from him, makes it really hard. i constantly want to IM him and be like PLEASE COME AND SEE ME! ... it just makes me feel all together pathetic...

i wish with everything that i have... that i could go back to the old hayhay that everyone used to know at the beginning of sophmore year... i miss that hayhay. this hayhay bases her happiness on a guy... and i would NEVER have done that before... i dont know what has happened to me... i fell TOO hard and TOO fast for mac... and i am not saying that there is anything wrong with that, because i love him with everything i possess... but "falling head over heels" can be a bad thing... and in my case i think it was... i base my happiness and how i live my life on the guy... and thats not how it should happen... i need to somehow find that old hayhay and get her back!!!

April 18th, 2005

02:18 pm: i have quite a buncha shit to do this week... and i dont like that.. at all...

my grades arent so hot.. and i know my parents are going to be REALLY FUCKING PISSED! but i mean.. there isnt much i can do about it... this last part of the semester hasnt been good for me..emotion wise... so im lookin forward to going home for the summer.. but then i know im going to miss everyone also... its just so confusing...

i feel like a walkin zombie... i dont really know what to do with myself... i wish i could go back 2 weeks... and start over... and before i was saying i wish i could go back to last year... but i mean thats over with... and all i can do is work harder from here... but the one thing i want, i cant have... and its driving me completely insane.

all i can say is... im not myself without you.

April 17th, 2005

06:56 pm: this weekend was amazing... and thats about all i can say about it.

the bands kicked ass.
seeing people that i havent seen in awhile :)
alcohol in EXTREME abundance.
getting to meet everclear (AND GETTING MY HAND SIGNED!!!...i must add!) ....and meeting 2 of the guys from sugar hill gang
as well as the many other memories..that i most likely wont be able to remember.

im SOOO happy that my sister came up..cuz her being here made it THAT much more amazing...YEAAAA!!! i didnt think this spring weekend was going to beat last year's...BY FAR..because of the people i was with last year, and how much i miss everyone... but it definitely did...GOD IT WAS FUCKIN AWESOME!!!

there were at points i almost broke down... but only because i saw mac... seeing him..in person..makes it THAT much harder... because it forces myself to have to realize that we are over... i dont like the fact that i am scared of running up to someone that i havent seen in awhile, and hugging them and talking to them, asking them how they've been... and i am afraid to do that with him... but even though i miss him more than ANYTHING... i think somewhere deep down, he misses me too.

April 13th, 2005

07:50 pm: it always gets really bad at night....
I never felt
The feeling that I'm feeling now
Now that I don't hear your
voice
Or even touch or even kiss your lips
Cause I don't have a
choice
What I wouldn't give
To have you lying by my side

We belong
together
When you left
I lost a part of me
It's still so hard to
believe
Come back baby please come back
We belong together

Who else
am I gonna lean on
When times get rough
Who's gonna talk to me
Till the
sun comes up
Who's gonna take your place
Baby nobody better
We belong
together


April 12th, 2005

07:47 pm: why did i make that telephone call last night?

i am SUCHA FUCKIN IDIOT!!!!

April 10th, 2005

10:12 pm: things arent easy all the time....
so being without mac is harder than i thought. its hard to have someone by your side for over a year...and then all of a sudden they're gone... i suppose it's just natural that when i was pissed off, i was like oh i dont care, ill be fine... but now its like wow, i really do miss him... im trying to make myself realize that things just werent working out...in more ways than one...and that this was the right decision... but its still hard...it's just going to take time...it took time to make memories with him..and its going to take just as much time, if more...to forget those memories.

it sucks that after sharing so much of your life with someone...you cant even be civil with them...because you both have too much pride...but i guess that's just the way it has to be... it sucks... but a lot of things sucks.

so for now, i guess i just have to go on with my life and act like im not brokenhearted...when i am...

all i can say is...thank god for my friends.

April 7th, 2005

11:58 am: now that its over -everclear.
Break down, shake for me
nothing ever is the way you want it to be
nothing even tastes right now that its over

break down, shake for me
dont write words unless you want me to read them
nothing really matters now that its over

maybe we can be friends
now that we're older
we can have fun like we did in the early days
now that its over

Yeah Right!

break down, shake for me,
nothing ever seems the way it ought to be
nothing ever seems right now that its over

yeah, now maybe we can be friends
maybe we can be closer
we can have fun like we did in the old days
now that its over

my bad dreams just dont seem the same
baby without you
oh, i wish you were willing to accept the blame
for everything you do

my nightmares just dont scare me now
baby without you
i wish that i could find the words to tell
in the best way possible
you and your friends to go to hell

breakup time is never easy to do
nothing ever ends the way you want it to
nothing seems to make sense now that its over

now maybe we can be friends
now that you're leaving
you can be nice to me
maybe im dreaming
i am a lot better now than just okay
maybe i am just waking up in my own way
now that its over

my bad dreams just dont seem the same
baby without you
i wish you were willing to accept the blame
for all the shitty things you do

nightmares just dont scare me now
baby without you
i wish that i could find the words to tell you
to politely go fuck yourself
now that its over

-everclear.

10:47 am: my bday....was INDESCRIBABLE!!! ....i cant even go into HOW FUCKIN AWESOME IT WAS!!! anyone that wasnt there... you need to be sooooo jealous..cuz you missed the BEST time! anyways...there will be pictures up eventually..cuz we have about 200 :) hahaha.

thank you everyone for making it so wonderful :) i love you all SOOO much!!!



annnnyyyyyywaaaayyyyssss.... so this weekend im going home to celebrate my bday with my family :) im excited about that. get to see my mommie and daddie and heather and little. and i get my present from my parents :) so im REALLY excited!

YEAH FOR MY BDAY!

April 5th, 2005

05:31 pm: ITS MY BIRTHDAY!!!

YEA!!!!

i love my friends :)

March 14th, 2005

01:40 pm: Lyfe- must be nice (edited a little by me..)


Must be nice
Having someone who understands the life you live
Must be nice
Having someone who's slow to take and quick to give
Must be nice
Having someone who sticks around when the rough times get thick
Having someone who loves you despite your faults
Must be nice
Having someone who talks the talk but also walks the walk
Must be nice
having someone who loves you for sho'
you just remember to never let 'em go

Must be nice
Having someone you can come home to from a long day of work
Must be nice
Having someone you don't have to show they know exactly where it hurts
Must be nice
Having someone who trusts you despite what they've heard
Someone as mighty as a lion but still as gentle as a bluebird
Must be nice
Having someone you don't have to tell you don't want to be alone
Must be nice
Having someone you can grow old with until God calls ya'll home
Must be nice
Having someone who loves you for sho'
you just remember to never let 'em go

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